


If my heart was a house, you'd be home

by epsilonfive



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 06:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epsilonfive/pseuds/epsilonfive
Summary: It's Dan and Phil against the world.Always.





	If my heart was a house, you'd be home

**Author's Note:**

> this idea just came to my head out of nowhere and i really wanted to write more dnp but had no idea what until now so i am clinging to this :)
> 
> i tried my best to research and be accurate with the years and events! shout out to http://adorkablephil.tumblr.com/post/157946186879 this post on this blog with the timeline which saved my life. hope you all enjoy!

2009

It's the first Phil Is Not On Fire video, and the first video Dan and Phil will ever be doing together.

They have to keep stopping just so they can try to breathe between laughter, and then, between kisses. 

At one point Dan grabs a hold of Phil's shirt collar and sends him half tumbling, half skidding backwards until he gets the message that Dan wants to move them to the bed so they can make out languidly for a few hours.

They don't even notice the pen on their noses and face getting smudged, they don't even notice that they've messed up the bed, and, when it comes to editing the video, don't notice how out of order the jump cuts seem. 

Dan feels high, trying so hard not to pull Phil into a hug whenever he can, hands twitching in the air before he grabs something else to busy them. Phil's a bit more used to being "professional" as it were, so he's a little better at focusing, but it doesn't stop him leaning in and pressing his head to Dan's chest to feel the vibrations of the warm laughs erupting from beneath his breast.

There comes a point where Phil's literally a second from leaning in and switching off the camera so he can focus on Dan instead of it, and Dan doesn't help when he speaks up, sounding serious and soft.

"This was the most fun I've ever had--" Phil breaks, sideways smile breaking out as he turns and tackles Dan to the ground, earning an 'oh!' of surprise then a hearty laugh from Dan once they hit the floor. "Is this okay?" Dan whispers, hand resting on Phil's back as he looks up at him with starry eyes.

"Yeah," is all Phil can manage as he leans in and kisses Dan right there, with no protest and only reciprocation even though the camera is on, much to his joy.

Obviously they have to cut a lot out; most of the footage they've filmed is them being overly touchy and making out, so Phil hastily puts together as much as he can to make a video.

He's pretty sure he's in love.

2010

He is.

By now Phil is absolutely lovesick, trying to spend at least a moment without touching Dan, or thinking about Dan, or speaking to Dan, or anything Dan at all, but it's difficult when he's this crazy about someone.

Dan's acting the same, putting his hand on the small of Phil's back and every so often turning and blinking at him slowly in a way that indicates he wants to be kissed, as Phil had learned, by the way he drew a smile the first time did it. Every so often, Dan would lean in too and kiss Phil, leaving the latter a bit of a mess and grinning like he  _knows_ exactly how head over heels he makes Phil feel.

It doesn't seem like it'd be possible, but Dan is having even more trouble trying not to put his arm around Phil on camera, or draw him into a hug, or kiss him, which he keeps doing, and even the little ones to the cheek are enough to make Phil forget what question they're answering or what he's saying. 

Phil gets to hold Dan close to him though at least, for a legitimate reason, which he likes to remind himself of smugly, as though it's some kind of declaration of ownership when it's catering to a fan's request. Dan is surprisingly giggly; he's generally quite a quiet person unless he's happy -- another thing Phil has discovered about him in all their time on Skype as well as in person. It makes it hard for Phil not to smile all the time knowing that he makes Dan happy, because Phil  has never been as happy as he is around Dan, and it's nice to know he's returning that gift.

Thankfully the editing skills have improved to the point it's not quite as messy as their first video, though Phil feels a rush of adrenaline as he leaves in one or two things; long glances and intimacy that could be interpreted as something else. 

Valentines Day feels like it passes in an instant, kisses and presents and coffee and sweets and a mess of cherry as they fail at yet another thing in life. At one point in the middle of trying to have sex, Dan grins, then Phil mirrors him, and moments later the two of them are doubled over in laughter, the mood leaving as they can't even bring themselves to kiss because they'll just smile against each other's lips and be set off again. They try to move it to the floor, to the bathroom, to basically everywhere else and just end up laughing again, so they give up.

It's one of the best experiences of Phil's life.

* * *

 

Phil tries to forget about the day for even a microsecond, but it's impossible, not to mention the fact he misses Dan. Why wasn't Dan with him right now? Not fair.

He has to distract himself, has to do something.

He tries checking emails, watching animal videos and documentaries, even tries doodling a little, but it's futile. It's literally impossible to get Dan out of his mind.

Phil wants to repay him. Wants to show Dan just how much he loves and appreciates him, and it takes him a while to think of how before he gets an idea. 

A video.

It takes several attempts to either not cry a bit or giggle too hard to speak, but eventually he manages it. It's unscripted; he remembers vividly all the times he references in it without needing to write it down, the memories creating swirling visions of snow and cold fingers and noses and kisses with Dan, as well as a sudden hit of the smell of cherry, to which he gets embarrassed and flicks his fringe out of his eyes.

He finishes editing, uploads it privately to youtube so that Dan can watch it, and waits.

When Dan finally sees it, he comments on it, leaving a sweet message about how much he loves Phil, and Phil feels his heart pounding, even though Dan's said it so many times before. For some reason, this is different. This makes him feel how he did when they first met all over again.

There's something about Dan saying he'll stay with Phil as long as Phil wants, and Phil gives the only time frame that feels possible in that moment.

_Forever, please._

2011

The only thing that's changed in Phil is that he's settled down a little into that comfortable love stage, the one where he knows in his guts he wants Dan to be his actual life partner. 

He still gets frisky and flirty and laughs heartily, happy and bright as always, Dan following suit, albeit not quite as lively. They're always cuddling, always watching things together (holding hands if they aren't pressed together), always making videos which never feel like a chore. They've even started to get to know each other's families, the connection between them strengthening quickly, but easily. 

Phil feels like "forever" is actually a legitimate amount of time to say he and Dan should be together, especially since Dan eventually moves in with him.

It's more than either of them could have predicted or expected, the ability to always be in each other's space making the mornings, days and nights that much better. Phil can't describe how nice it is to wake up with Dan in his arms, and not have to think about how he'll have to leave soon. He couldn't put into words how good it feels to have three hour long breakfasts, out at a Starbucks or at home (mostly at home) and not have to worry about the next time he'll have it alone. 

They have separate rooms, but it's pretty pointless considering they'll always sleep in the same bed, and even when they try not to, one of them will break and pad to the other's room, sliding into bed while the current occupant automatically moves aside and they draw their arms around each other.

One day when checking youtube, Phil sees the video he'd made for Dan.

On his main videos list.

His heart basically stops and he quickly clicks it, scrolling to see that thankfully it hasn't gotten as many views and comments as he'd feared.

He deletes it immediately, his stomach repeatedly flipping over and over as he goes on twitter and tumblr and refreshes the AmazingPhil tag over. And over. And over. Very few people have noticed it; there are posts here and there but they aren't getting much attention.

After some hours of this, he loses track of exactly how many, Phil comes to the conclusion that the crisis is averted.

Dan ambles in and Phil wonders if he's seen what's happened as well, and by just the look on Dan's face, Phil realises that he has.

They don't talk about it.

2012

Dan's been more paranoid than normal, squirming out of hugs with Phil that lasts too long and looking down seemingly every street they passed when they were out together, no longer reaching out and taking Phil's hand when they're in a somewhat secluded place. Last year's Phil Is Not On Fire was strangely distant, and Dan had ended up yelling at Phil to stop when he kept touching his neck as the viewers requested, maybe longer than necessary, but Phil was used to being allowed into Dan's personal space without asking.

That, of course, was edited out.

Yeah, it hurts a little, but Phil understands; they've been gaining more and more attention, becoming more popular and famous, so it's only fair Dan wants to be a little safer on how much affection he displays. Phil knows, and everything will be alright. It has to be.

After some time of being on edge, Dan seems to calm down, and it feels like Phil's releasing a breath of relief that he's been holding for a couple months now. 

They're cuddled up to one another all the time again, attached to the hip once again no matter where they go and Dan's letting the kisses flow on an open tap once again. All is well, until Dan starts acting... strange again.

Except it's not even a little.

It's a lot.

At first, Phil brushes it off, thinking it's just him, but then he realises that no; Dan isn't acting like they're lovers. Hell, he isn't even acting like they're friends. Phil feels like they're simple housemates, and the thought sends shocks of pain spider-webbing out from his chest to his fingertips. He hasn't checked tumblr in a while, and when he finally does, he sees why.

The video has been leaked again. It's all over; people are sharing it, uploading it, sending it to each other, plastering it everywhere and Phil feels that same heart stopping fear he felt the first time it was released by what they had found out later to be a youtube glitch.

Only this time it doesn't go away.

He keeps checking tumblr and he knows he shouldn't, all he sees are posts of the video and Dan's responses becoming more and more angry and frustrated with the sheer amount of asks he'd gotten asking about the video and what it was.

A prank, Dan decides to call it, as the cover up.

Hurts. 

But there's nothing Phil can do about it, and it really is probably for the best.

They don't discuss where the relationship is heading, don't talk about how distant they are with one another (even in this year's PINOF video), don't mention how Phil eventually gives up trying to act towards Dan as he once did. Phil's learned not to invade Dan's space without asking politely, he's learned to keep his hands off the cereal if he doesn't want a serious fight which ends up with them not talking for hours, and he's had the door to Dan's bedroom shut and locked on him enough times to know that he's not welcome in the same bed. They've even cut way back on videos of them together, and the only time they do make one, it's when they pretty much have to.

It takes a long time for Phil to be able to fall asleep in his bed by himself, and his sleep is never as good as it was with Dan, but eventually he manages it.

He wonders if Dan cries as much as he does, if at all. 

2013

They can't avoid each other as much as they have now.

Radio shows, events, various places they have to go together. They're a package deal, and they know it. Phil secretly enjoys the fact that he has an excuse to spend more time with Dan, but the fact that it's an "excuse" kind of puts a damper on the whole thing. They're putting out more content than they have for the past year, Phil still trying not to be too affectionate with Dan beyond what can only be perceived as friends (though he's pretty sure he's still failing; he hasn't stopped loving Dan, much to his chagrin).

He's tried, he really has, but he just can't stop. He's had what he's sure is enough time to "get over" Dan, but it's just not happening. He's come to accept that it is what it is, and he's just going to have to deal with having feelings for Dan that he's sure has died on the latter's end for the rest of his days.

Sometimes, he feels like Dan is going back to his old ways with Phil; leaning into him, not shifting away when Phil sits just a bit too close on the couch next to him, laughing a lot more and showing Phil things on his phone and initiating conversations with him. Phil doesn't want to get carried away, but he can't help but just feel a little hopeful for the first time in a long time. Dan even seems to be alright with them being in each other's space in this year's Phil Is Not On Fire.

He even goes so far as to absentmindedly wander into the kitchen and eat some of Dan's cereal out of the box, freezing when Dan catches him as he comes into the kitchen and expecting the box to be yanked out of his hands and a row, but instead, Dan just laughs. He shakes his head, and he laughs, and it's beautiful.

Phil wants to kiss him then, but he shouldn't push it.

One night, while he's half asleep, he could swear he felt Dan sliding into bed next to him, but when he wakes, he's alone.

He figures it was just a dream. 

If it was, it's enough to help him sleep better than he has in months.

2014

Phil can hardly dare to believe it, but things seem to be getting even better.

Dan is much more relaxed, fine once more with being attached to the hip with Phil in public, even on panels and events where many eyes are on them, and Phil feels the brightness come back to the world, slowly but surely.

Even more so when on a particular radio showing, Dan introduces a sweet song about best friends and stumbles over his words as he dedicates it to Phil. All Phil can do is put his hand over his heart and 'aw' twice, feeling his face scrunch up with emotion. His chest is filled with a warmth its been missing for so long, and even though it's a song about just best friends, and Phil still carries romantic feelings for Dan, he's still going to celebrate, because best friends is better than just friends, and it's leagues better than just roommates.

At Vid Con, they're on a panel, and everyone is answering a question about a vlogging. Phil has some ideas, some things he wants to say, but he's a little nervous, and all the other panelists seem calm and collected and confident, and he wishes that was him. He swears he can sense Dan getting angry, tapping his foot a little in that way he does when he's getting annoyed, and Phil's immediate thought is that it's something he's done.

He swallows, wanting to distract himself, and leans into the mic to say something... only to be cut off.

He's about to accept it when suddenly Dan leans in, grabs a microphone which requires a reach, and says, "Can Phil express an opinion?"

Phil almost knees the table in shock as Dan stands up for him like that, his stomach flipping as he realises his long lost love is making sure he's heard, making sure he's noticed, making sure he gets to speak. He brings his mouth to his mic and begins to speak, face heating up slightly from the 'aws' echoing from the audience.

Videos come like a breeze; the sixth Phil Is Not On Fire, where Phil starts to feel like he's back in 2009, Dan giggling and playful and enjoying the innuendos that they keep accidentally letting slip (and even at some point the two of them trying to fit their heads through the neck of a jumper and Phil daringly placing a quick kiss on Dan's collarbone on camera, which to his amazement is allowed and not edited out later), and a Festive Day In The Life, which feels homely and domestic and sends endorphins bursting through Phil's brain. On top of that they've started a new channel that's  _theirs,_ a gaming channel with both their names attached, just like Phil likes. Dan _and_ PhilGames.

In the evenings, Dan starts asking Phil if he's coming to bed when it's time to sleep, and if Phil needs a little longer, tells him that that's okay and he'll see him in a bit, leaving his door open invitingly, or just swanning into Phil's bedroom like he owns it, which in a sense Phil guesses he does.

One night when Phil is actually the first to go to bed, he automatically heads to Dan's bed, collapsing on it and curling up in the smell of Dan. He almost drops off to sleep as he feels the mattress dip beside him and Dan wrapping his arm around him. Phil's heart shouldn't pound like this any more, he should be used to it, but he can't help acting love struck, because he still is. He never stopped.

Dan whispers something to ask if he's awake.

"Yeah,"

"Can we talk?"

"Of course. What's up?" Phil's voice is quiet with tiredness, but he's determined to stay away to listen to Dan.

"Okay. First off, I love you," Phil's eyes snap open and he turns over, more awake than he's ever been, looking in Dan's eyes, which seem to be sincere. There's a smile on his face, and Phil can't resist leaning in and kissing him hard, hands all over him. He reciprocates and Phil could die with how happy he is right now; he can  _feel_ affection in Dan's side of the kiss, and thinks that maybe, just maybe, Dan never fell out of love with him in the first place. After they finally pull apart, panting, Dan laughs softly. "Can I keep talking now?"

"Sorry," Phil says with a grin, pressing his forehead to Dan's. "I love you too,"

Dan bites his lip.

"I haven't been the best person ever since...you know, and I know that," He begins, sending a pang of anxiety through Phil's chest. "But you have to understand, it's nothing to do with you. I was... kinda overwhelmed, and stressed, and people wouldn't stop harassing me and even my family and I just. Couldn't take it any more. I wanted to be... separate after that. I wanted to be me. I wanted to be Danisnotonfire, not just one part of Dan and Phil. But I think... I think I actually don't mind anymore. Being part of something with you, I mean. Being associated with you. All you've done since you met me is been nice to me, and given me space when I've been an absolute dickhead. You've been... such a good boyfriend,"

Phil's breath hitches in his throat.

"And I know I haven't. So just... sorry. I'm sorry for handling things shittily. I always loved you. I literally never stopped to be honest,"

"I thought you hated me," Phil whispers into the night.

"No," Dan says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Phil's forehead. "I never did. I don't think I know how to."

They make love for the first time in what feels like forever, and fall asleep in each other's arms, the way it's supposed to be. 

They don't get out of bed until two in the afternoon the following day.

2015 - 2016

It seems impossible, but the next couple of years are even more jam packed with appearances and videos, and of course TATINOF.

They're spending almost every second together, and Phil wouldn't change it for the world. Dan doesn't say, but Phil's pretty sure Dan wouldn't either. Dan's gotten louder, more confident,  _happier_ and healthier and Phil couldn't be prouder of him. He works hard and doesn't give up, even when he falls over on their routines, when he forgets the words, he smiles and is just determined to try harder. They spend every evening in the same bed if they can, even though occasionally they have to be with family or elsewhere, and even though they do it still seems like they're surrounding each other as their families ask about how the other is doing and talk about visiting and more family occasions.

They have the book too, to work on, but neither of them really count it as work. Sometimes it's a struggle to fit everything into their schedule, but they manage it, because they're together. 

They have their fights or snapping from tiredness, they have their ups and downs, but almost immediately after they apologise and talk about it if they have to, because they've learned that it's much better to talk about things than to just avoid each other.

Phil snaps pictures of Dan sleeping or in an amusing pose and Dan starts to return the favour when Phil's tongue is sticking out, or when he's sleeping on the tour bus, where he plays with his hair and wakes him up and Phil's automatic response is to close his eyes again and bring his lips together, expecting a kiss, and when he doesn't get it realises what happens. Dan announces he's filming him and Phil gets embarrassed to a hearty laugh of Dan's which is worth any kind of shame to hear.

Their trip to Japan is perfect; it's beautiful and they're having the time of their lives. It seems like they're in their own world, even though they're vlogging and record a Day In The Life and taking pictures everywhere. They're playing in the streets like teenagers, sometimes feeling like it's back to 2009, back before everything, when it was just them and their potato of a camera and their whiskered faces. Phil gets sick and Dan immediately tries to take care of him, going out to fetch medicine gladly and returning, kissing and cuddling Phil when he shuts off the camera. Phil tries to push him off and warn him he'll get sick too, but Dan ignores him. To him, it's worth it.

Eventually TATINOF sneaks up on them and they're performing in front of thousands upon thousands of people to multiple screams, performing skits, just being themselves around each other, and while the nerves bundle up in their stomachs every time before they go on stage, it disappears when they look at each other. When they take strength from each other. It's full of life, and that's what Phil wants their lives together to be. Happy and joyful and fun. Especially for Dan, who is getting more confident by the day.

Their book, too, comes out, and they're honestly blown away by how much they've accomplished in what, to them, feels like a short time. They've come so far, achieved things only others could only dream of, and they've done it together.

2015's Phil Is Not On Fire is even better, even closer, even more intimate. Dan's even happy to reference fanfiction right there, with Phil on camera. He's come so far, and despite the hilariously ridiculous situation, Phil wants to tackle Dan again. He somehow restrains himself. Until they're off camera, anyway. Dan's actually seemingly more and more fine with expressing his love for Phil in front of the world, declaring himself number one Phil trash, and announcing that Phil is a lovely person, each time sending bursts of affection through Phil's chest (and earning lavishes of love and sexual favours, to which he grins and says something about how he should speak up more often if this is the kind of treatment he gets).

They spend Valentines Day of 2016 apart, but that's okay, because they arrange a rain check and make up for it once they've spent time with their families (who, of course, ask one about the other and when they're all going to get together again). The day they've planned is filled with Starbucks and cuddling and kissing and probably more "I love you's" than have been said for the year so far, which is saying something, because they say it often. They don't believe that saying the words multiple times makes them lose their meaning, only that it makes their day just a little brighter, being reminded that they're loved.

It feels like barely a couple of weeks until they're on the tour bus again, this time in the US and Canada, nerves now coupled with excitement as they remember how much fun it was to perform, and how nice it was to see so many people with adoration on their faces. Being on stage brought warmth and light, and the love between them as well as the love of their fans filled the air. 

At some point, Dan catches Phil eating cereal again, but this time with a camera, and Phil feels like a deer in headlights before attacking Dan with the camera and accidentally tackling him to the floor, sending the box of Crunchy Nut crashing to the ground, but neither of them really notice because they're too busy laughing and making out.

The both of them never even imagined they'd be visiting places like  _Australia_ and  _Hong Kong,_ a couple of the dream destinations for most people, on their own, let alone together, which makes everything better. There's nothing they enjoy more than just being around each other, except maybe when adding travelling and experiencing new things to that. Phil feels like he's living the best life he could possibly lead, and thanks whatever forces brought and kept him and Dan together with everything he has. When he tells Dan about this, lips cold and wet from alcohol and the warmth filling his belly, he hears Dan say the same, feels him kiss his forehead, and it's like the stars lose their shine compared to the elation coursing through Phil's veins.

He's humbled when he wins British Creator Of The Year at the BONCAs, appreciation and amazement spreading through him as he tries to speak about how he's feeling and give advice at the same time. He spots Dan below him in the sea of people, his jacket causing him to sparkle in the darkness, though Phil could've picked him out easily without it. He realises then that he can't accept the award on his own. There's one person who's built him up and supported him and been there through everything, and it feels wrong to even try to take full credit for himself. He calls Dan up, who shakes his head in disbelief, but Phil's smiling, knowing that Dan more than deserves it. 

They're Dan and Phil. There's no such thing any more as just Dan, or just Phil. It's both of them. 

It's Dan and Phil against the world.

Always.

PINOF 8 is no different. 

2017

It's the current year, and things haven't gotten old. They never will. The travelling, the experiences, the love, it doesn't change. "Comfortable" is the best way Phil can describe his life now. Comfort, contentment, _home_.

Wherever Dan is, is where Phil's home is, so when they move together into London to start another chapter of their lives, Phil settles right in. It doesn't matter that things stayed packed for a while, that some things are off center, that it's going to take getting used to, it still feels like he belongs here, because it's where Dan is.

Their affection is in full swing, plain for all to see, and they enjoy every second of it. Behind closed doors, fights happen. Disagreements happen. Tears happen. But that's part of it. That's the trade off for this beautiful life, and if that's how it has to be, Dan and Phil would happily shed tears every day if it meant they could keep it.

Some things however, stay theirs.

Kisses, cuddles, physical closeness,  _love._

It belongs to them, and no one will take it away from them.

 


End file.
